Hello, my name is Yellow Peril. I am 24, Asian, male, overly cocky, popular, insecure, shy, gassy, loudmouthed, promiscuous, guilt-ridden, nonjudgmental, hardworking, weed-loving, goofy, dead serious, and this is my first blog. I’m a writer in Los Angeles, which means I sit in coffeeshops a lot trying to look cute.
There is really no one I love more than my mom. She’s going to be a major player in this blog because she’s… how do I put it… fascinating. She is the most intelligent, grounded person I know (a self-made millionaire who came to this country with nothing), but at the same time reads the Bible with a literal interpretation. We butt heads a lot because she’s a conservative Christian, while I’m a psycho liberal who thinks everyone should be a drag queen.
But since I hate describing people, instead I’d like to introduce her via one of our more amusing text conversations, which took place a few days ago.
Mom: Lady gaga horns looks creepy to me
Me: I think they’re fun. What do you think of the new song
Mom: That is controversial right?! I like her outfit though. Not the horns especially now with so many natural disasters everywhere.
Me: What do horns have to do with natural disasters…?
Mom: Misery. And Satan.
Me: … We don’t live in the middle ages anymore, mom.
Me: Also, the mascot for her new album is a unicorn. That explains the horns.
Me: Does satan cause natural disasters? Is that what the bible says
Mom: Unicorn has only one horn. And it is cute.
Mom: Satan destroys people.
Me: How did we go from discussing lady gaga to debating satan and horns?
Mom: She had 4 horns. Not good.
Me: Do you realize how crazy this conversation suddenly sounds? I feel like we’re debating Disney characters
Mom: Satan plants dault [doubt?]. Destroys gods creation Of humans and earth
Me: I’m still confused. Are you saying lady gaga is the antichrist
Mom: She is an honest artist And a catholic. I don’t think she wants people to idolize her. Her costumes are prepared with careful thoughts. She wants [us] to see her as Satan. I don’t know why though. Bc I don’t know her new song
Me: She does it cuz everyone talks about it. We’re talking about it, aren’t we?
Mom: She is also conveying a message through her costume. I don’t know what though
Me: The apocalypse, clearly.
And people wonder why I’m so screwy in the head.