* Unless, of course, the May 21st apocalypse doesn’t happen.
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll let the animation team at NMAtv (a Taiwanese news station) explain.
May 21st? You mean, this Saturday? Thank god the Born This Way album leaked!
The Rapture is a Christian belief that upon the return of Christ, all true believers will be spirited away, beamed up, catapulted into Heaven, while the heathens will remain on earth, where we will be subjected to dangerous horsemen, giant slutty women with shit carved into their foreheads, and lots of gnashing of teeth.
I dunno, that sounds like a relatively tame night in West Hollywood.
And you know what? As much as it is all the same fairytale bull that fundamentalists believe, I want it to happen. It’s come to a point where I don’t think full human equality will ever happen unless all the religious nutjobs out there simultaneously vanish.
Harold Camping, the propheteer that is championing the May 21st deadline, says that gays are to blame for this apocalypse. So to the rest of the world on behalf of the gays, I say, “You’re very fucking welcome.”
Because I am sick of being scapegoated by a bunch of dumb white folks with their own sexuality issues, and I am sick of being a hot button keyword that politicians throw around in order to galvanize idiots on either side of the spectrum. I just want everyone to go away, literally.
So bring it on, Jesus. Take your douchebags home, and keep them there.
I used to ask my mom why she came to America to start a family. She would say, “Only in America, could I have done it.” I see what she means. My mom (a very religious Christian, by the way) capitalized on American work ethic, and her businesses all prospered. Good for her; she deserves to love America.
But what about her gay, American-born son? What do I think?
Only in America, a country that was founded on supposedly innate freedoms, can there be report after report of gay teenage suicides… without any huge outcry from the vast majority of the population and no change in legislation. “It Gets Better…” but when?
Only in America, where scientists have managed to split apart atoms and have discovered alternate universes, do the majority of the people still believe that a bitchy god kicked us out of paradise over a piece of fruit.
Only in America, can a senile false prophet like Camping get the mass media coverage he does, when there are actual, serious problems, families starving in our streets, ignored because everyone is too busy packing for the Rapture.
May 21st can’t come soon enough. It might just be the best thing to happen to humanity. And if it does happen, let’s all have a party on the 22nd. There would much to celebrate.
Because with Christians gone, we might just have a fighting chance to save the rest of us.